It's interesting to think about, because really there have been a lot of things that have happened this week, but because it's been so long, I can't really think of any of them.
Anyway, I'm now with Elder Harrison, everyone is in their areas, and life is going along like normal.
And we continue!
Two things for this week. First off, Elder Monson, a senior missionary from Trinidad, was in Guadeloupe this past week. He happens to be a career consultant. And I happen to need career consulting. So this works out nicely! I asked him if he could help me figure out what to do with my life, and he kindly agreed to have a session with me. This basically consisted of sitting down and talking about my life. Big takeaways:
1-I am an externally motivated person. As opposed to internally motivated people, who desire in and of themselves to be excellent (sorry about the grades, mom!), I am mostly motivated by the chance to make other people happy and to be recognized by others for doing something great.
2-One of the most important things to me in life is my personal relationships with people for whom I care deeply. Even if other things are going wrong, I will be happy so long as I love and am loved.
3-I don't know how else to say this one, so I'm going to quote it as best as I can; "I believe that you will be fundamentally unhappy if you do not do something in your life that will use the intellect that you have been given".
So some suggestions were consultant, psychologist, or family practice doctor.
Other thing! As we were in our district meeting this past week, talking about obedience, I realized a few things. I was thinking about Elder Holland's talk "The first great commandment", and I thought about a different scene. The Lord and Peter sat before a massive pile of fish, and Jesus asked his senior apostle the question "Lovest thou me more than these?" Peter's affirmative answer was met with a request that, if such was true, he abandon that which he loves the least, to do the will of He who he loved the most.
Then that new vision of things-I saw myself and the Savior, sitting on the lakeside, with all my petty sins heaped in a pile before me. I can only imagine Him, a saddened, pained look in his eyes, turning to me and asking "Elder Santos, didn't you love me more than these?" I know already the answer that I will want so desperately to give, but I fear also the guilt that may fill my heart as I try to tell Him that such was the case. More than anything else, I want to show my love for the Lord. I want to choose Him, because I love Him more. I think that if we all understood what the Lord feels when He sees us leaving him and going back to our fish, we might be more hesitant to do so. So I want to work today, so that when He asks me that great question, I will be able to look Him in the eye and tell Him "Lord, you know that I love you".
Most of my thoughts make a lot more sense in my brain. Oh well.
I love you!
-Elder Santos
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